


In Which the Prince of Heart Realizes his Title in Various Ways

by Budgey



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Sadstuck, strider man-pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-14
Updated: 2013-05-14
Packaged: 2017-12-11 21:40:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/803550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Budgey/pseuds/Budgey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if when they're supposed to ascend, Roxy doesn't?<br/>Some Sadstuck from Dirk's perspective.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Which the Prince of Heart Realizes his Title in Various Ways

**Author's Note:**

> This was born of several Sadstuck headcanons  
> Sorry about the Strider Man-Pain.

It wasn’t supposed to happen this way  
You were supposed to live forever. The god tiers were supposed to make you win. You were all supposed to ascend.

So why isn’t Roxy getting up. Why isn’t Roxy glowing too. 

“… Rox?”

Why isn’t she saying anything.

“Roxy!”

Still not saying anything

Oh god is that blood  
Oh god that’s blood

“ROXY”

Oh no  
Oh no no no no no

“Rox”

Your voice is cracking

You find yourself moving to her side, no walking involved, just will.

This would be fucking sweet if your best friend in the world wasn’t bleeding on a stone slab.

“Roxy please”

You’ve got her by the shoulders now, pulling her up to look at her face.

She’s too limp. Her head lolls back until you move your arm around her back to hold it up gently.

Oh god. That’s too much blood.  
Too much everything.

You’re pulling her closer, one arm around her waist, the other around her shoulders, her head leaning on your shoulder. 

She’s not fucking breathing, and she still thought you were upset with her, and you never got to make things right.

“Roxy don’t you fucking dare leave me here”

No. It’s not happening. You can fix this. You always fix it. There is nothing you can’t do, right? You fucking raised yourself, you got everyone into the game, there is always something you can do to fix it.

Your best friend is slumped against your chest and she doesn’t have a pulse and any alternate selves she had are dead so how the fuck are you supposed to fix it this time.

“Roxy, come on, please”

You’re clutching her to you now, rocking back and forth on her quest bed. The rocking is a habit from when you were really little, when things were too overwhelming and you needed things to be okay. You’d hold Cal and rock from side to side and you would feel better, you could keep going. It’s been years since you needed this particular coping mechanism, but it’s the most you’ve ever needed it.  
And for once, it’s not helping. Your movement is only accentuating the fact that Roxy is so much dead weight in your arms, that she’s not holding you too, that wow, this whole thing with hugging another person doesn’t really feel so good when they aren’t hugging back.

Why  
The FUCK  
Is this happening

She should have ascended too, right? You all had really similar experiences throughout the game, why would only Roxy not make it?

Oh.  
Oh no.

Maybe it wasn’t just Roxy that didn’t ascend.

You haven’t heard from Jane in a while.

Oh god, no.

Were you the only one who got to god tier?

No no no nononononononoNO

You’re frozen now, still crushing Roxy against you. Jane, is your first thought. Oh god, Jake, is your second.

But, no, that’s stupid, why wouldn’t they ascend? You were all at high enough levels to do it, there shouldn’t be any problem. You’ll just…. Check in on them.  
You pull your phone out of your pocket with shaking fingers, type out a message to both Jane and Jake one-handed

TT: Hey, is everything cool over there?

You curl your fingers around the phone and put your arm back around Roxy, shaking. You never shake, you’re always steady. Why the fuck are you shaking now.

A minute goes by.

No response from Jane or Jake.

Another minute.

Still nothing.

Five minutes of silence and you are so on edge you could scream.

Your mind starts trying to cook up possible reasons they haven’t responded.

Maybe they’re having a feelings jam about their issues in person.  
Maybe they’re not looking at their respective computers  
Maybe they can’t look at their computers  
Maybe something happened to break their computers  
Maybe something happened to break their hands so they can’t type  
Maybe they can’t look at their computers because they’re hurt  
Maybe they aren’t responding because they’re dead

God damn it, Dirk, quit it.

But really, where are they? This is unlike them. And if they are dead, you need to figure out why.

Actually, a better question would be why didn’t you die too?

You didn’t have any advantage over them, did you?

You look down at Roxy, whose skin is now sickeningly pale, except for the places that are smeared with her too-dark blood.

It reminds you of another dead girl in your arms, another time when you were the only one who had the means to be the hero.

Your stomach drops.

Oh.  
Maybe that’s it.

What if you’re alone now because you couldn’t just wait and let them get in the game by themselves?

You stole all of their opportunities to take risks, you took every last chance to save them.

And that’s why Roxy Lalonde’s body is cooling in your arms. That’s why Jane and Jake are dead on Prospit.

Maybe “Destroyer of Souls” really is an accurate name for you. You literally crushed any chance they had at ascending.

You knew all of your string-pulling would end badly, you figured that out when you broke up with that pasty, green haired version of your boyfriend (that thought doesn’t really hurt so much, but then you picture Jake lying in a pool of blood on his quest bed and ouch, that hurts a lot). All of your manipulation games were always going to come back to bite you, but you never thought it’d happen like this.

“Roxy I’m so sorry”

Your one man pity party is disrupted by a flash of green and a canine growl.

Without thinking, you’re on your feet, sword out, ready to take on something, anything, to feel something different.

Well, a fist to your jaw wasn’t what you had in mind, but the physical pain is easier to deal with than the pain of knowing you killed your friends.  
Before you can even fight back, another flash of green, brighter this time, fills your vision and you are suddenly floating alone in the middle of space.

At least you can’t hurt anyone else from here.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry


End file.
